Alternate title: Things that might seem cute the first time you hear them, but after a while, they get offensive.
First, I'll give you some suggestions of nice things to say to me about my kids:
Notice, none of these say he/she or him/her in any of these.
"Oh, what a cute baby."
"What beautiful hair."
"Look at that gorgeous red hair."
"Such a sweet heart."
Things that really aren't so nice to say to me about my kids.
"Where did she get that red hair?"
Well, I could draw a Punnet Square and do a lesson in genetics, I'd rather not. Red hair is recessive. Two people that do not have red hair can and do have kids with red hair. In fact, both of our girls have red hair. I don't like the implication that she's not mine or my husband's.
"Oh, wow, she doesn't miss a meal does she?" or the alternate "Are you sure you are feeding her enough."
Ummmm.... I want a healthy happy baby and she is that. I do take offense to this. I feel like people are implying that I am over feeding her or underfeeding her (in Izzy's case; she was seriously underweight). Kids are different (Izzy at 4 months, 4th percentile; Nat at 4 months 50th percentile). They will be different shapes and sizes. And, yes, I do have silly nicknames for them that go according to their sizes, "skinny mini" and "chuck a munk" but those are mine!!! So, yes, it may be a double standard.
Natalie at 4.5 months.
I want my girls to know they are beautiful and gorgeous girls and I don't like the fact that people at society are already weighing in on how they look and their sizes.
"So, are you going to try for a boy" or "when are you going to start trying for a boy?"
First of all, my reproductive system and mine and my husband's reproductive practices are none of your business. Second, I really don't like my girls to hear that. I love them. We love them. I don't want them to feel like we love them less because they are girls.
We are so happy, blessed and fortunate to have such beautiful, healthy girls. It really doesn't matter what gender they are.
And, when you ask Isabelle "Are you beautiful?" and she responds "No, I'm gorgeous" know that she is and that she will always think so.
This is not directed at any one specific comment either here or in real life, just things that I have been noticing and been bothered by. I know that people mean well when they ask them, but when I hear them repeatedly, I do start to get offended.
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I just found your blog and I think it’s adorable (as are your girls!!!). I LOVE LOVE LOVE red hair and am always jealous when I see girls with it!
The picture of the three of you are just precious!!! I understand the comment thing…sometimes people just want to say something (wrong or not…just trying to have a conversation). You are fortunate to have two BEAUTIFUL (inside and out) girls!!!!!
i honestly can’t make an appropriate comment yet b/c I am itching to hurt the people that said rude comments….need to breathe and I will post something different.
I would totally be offended too! You have every right to be. Some people say things but you SO KNOW they mean something else. It’s hurtful and rude. Sorry that happens to you so often.
Love, Mere
I am constantly hearing comments like “What are you feeding these kids?” It drives me crazy. My kids are healthy and actually below the 50th percentile for weight.
Why don’t some people have an appropriate filter or for that matter a brain to really think about what they are saying?
Your girls are beautiful and regardless of others’ comments they will certainly feel and know that growing up.
I got that with Wyatt being slow to crawl and walk – ugh.
Some people just don’t have filters.
It makes for a very FUNNY post though
I completely agree and so surprised at what people are comfortable saying! Hubby and I joke around that all of our kids could look completely different because he’s blond, I’m brunette, and we both have red in our families
I think your girls are gorgeous and that pic is soo sweet!
I don’t have any children and even I know not to say or ask these things!!! so rude….
Ok, I know I say this EVERY time I comment, but your girls are so frickin’ beautiful and adorable!! I love their red hair and rosy cheeks!!
You are a great Mom and your girls are BEAUTIFUL! Give them both a hug for me!
Twitter: suburbsanity
March 5, 2009 at 8:48 am
I once had total stranger, who could not have weighed one pound less than 250, come up to me and ask me what the doctor said about my baby being so fat. I wonder if she ever got up off the floor.
I hear ya on the comments – Karys was 75% for weight and over 100% for height. So I still hear “huge” and “amazon” all the time. And yeah, it’s irritating.
It never occured to me to ask about the red hair cause I always thought of you as having red-ish hair. I always wanted red hair growing up so I consider them both lucky. And beautiful.
I know it’s hard, but you just have to try to not let the comments get you down. But I do know where you’re coming from.
Native One is my chunkier kiddo and Native two is little. HE will be four in August and ONLY wears a 2t…yeppers! Yes I get comments about it!
OO MY FAVORITE COMMENT IS THIS:
O did YOU ADOPT THEM? ESP when they were infants because they really looked ASIAN! Yes I was asked DID I ADOPT MY BOYS! When I was alone in the mall and did not have MY KOREAN HUSBAND with me!
How about this comment that BURNS ME UP…OO YOU BOYS MUST LOOK LIKE YOUR DADDY…what the h#$^ is that suppose to mean?
My Aunts Daughters hair is RED and my Aunt has suffered also from comments of WHere in the world did she come from…look at that red hair. MY Aunts daughter is 15 now but it has driven my AUNT NUTS over the last 15 years the comments she got insinuating that Kari was not hers or her husbands. SHE would LOVE YOUR POST!
I loved your post and have a great day and try to stay warm!!!!
I think your munchkins are gorgeous beyond belief and I as well wouldnt care if I had 5 girls or 5 boys, its the fact that you have a child (your own creation) that is important. People really can be careless and insensitive sometimes. In life, we just cant let them get to us.
I feel worse for the women that get asked, “When they are due…when in fact, they arent even preggo”. Talk about a person putting their foot in their mouth!
As long as you and the family are happy, your life couldnt be anymore blessed. MUAH!!!!
I actually exclaimed out loud “oh look at that cute little thing!” for your bath picture of Isabelle. My daughter had “more rolls than a Thanksgiving dinner” so I got very used to the comments – from the Doctor no less!. Either they are too thin – too chubby – too long – too short. My goodness are all adults exactly the same?
It’s amazing how freely strangers will offer up rude commentary on our children, isn’t it?
Your girls are beautiful exactly as they are!
I think I can agree with every. single. one of those. It’s funny how 2 babies can be eactly the same size almots and are built differently. Oh, and when people hear we have a boy and a girl, I still get comments like “oh, the prefect family” which is annoying as well. They are my kids and I love them no matter what.
I do however know a woman who kept having babies that she couldn’t afford because she so desperately wanted a girl. I just don’t understand.
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