In my grief and utter selfishness, I forgot to talk to Isabelle.  To really talk to her.  To treat her like I wanted to be treated.

Isabelle knew about the "belly baby."  She totally got it and was so very excited about being a big sister again.

After everything happened, and the day after the surgery, we sat her down and explained that the baby didn't have a heartbeat anymore and that Jesus decided the baby should be in Heaven and not here with us.

She got it.  She could see through our sadness and grief.  She was sad.  She wanted to hug us.  She cried with us.

She wanted to know why, too.  Baby, so do I.  And, it's a question we'll never get an answer to.

And then?  I didn't talk to her again.

What is wrong with me?  Why didn't I think to talk to her again?  She was grieving the loss of her little brother or sister.  She was sad, too.

It didn't dawn on me until last week when I was talking to my friend that I hadn't talked to Iz about it again.

That night, I went home to Mr. Serious and I told him I forgot to talk to her.  I was kicking myself.  She is so intuitive.  She sees us cry.  She's been extra emotional lately wanting extra hugs, kisses and cuddles.  Again, why didn't I think about it?

Mr. Serious was protecting me.  Turns out, the night before, she was wanting extra "talk" time at bedtime.  Even though we didn't use the words, she flat out asked him "Daddy, why did the baby have to die?"  I didn't find out until I mentioned it the next day.

So, that night, I talked to her.  I asked her if she was sad about anything and wanted to talk to mommy.  Bam.  There it was again.  First thing she mentioned without hesitation.  It's been on her brain and bothering her, and I haven't talked to her about it since that day three weeks ago.

I'm kicking myself for being so selfish in my grief that I didn't think to ask my own daughter about it.  About how she was feeling.

But, I'm not going to forget again.  I'm going to remember to talk to her, too.

And while the idea of getting a plant for the baby doesn't really appeal  to me, maybe that's something that will work for her?  Something to recognize her loss.  Because it didn't really hit me, that she's lost something, too.  She had dreams and plans for her little sibling, too.  And we need to honor them.

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Isabelle has recently started drawing stick figures.

They are always of daddy.  And, so far, daddy is never smiling.

Sometimes, daddy has hair.  He always has two eyes, maybe a nose and a mouth.

He also never has much of a body or arms for that matter.  He’s mostly a head and legs.  Very, very long legs.

However, I’m not sure about the beard.  Or maybe it’s a goatee.  Daddy has never had either of those.

When I asked about drawing mommy, she said she would.  But, that picture?  It was totally scribbles.

I get it sweetheart.  I know who has your heart!

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Isabelle.
You constantly amaze me.  We are so lucky that you love school and you learn so much. 

Wednesday, you were assigned homework.  It was due next Tuesday.  You wanted to start it immediately.

Mommy wanted to wait for the weekend.  I thought it was going to take a long time.  And, honestly, I thought it was going to be “mommy homework."

But, you totally knew what you had to do, and more importantly, how to do it.

You cut out those “momma and baby” animals like you had been using scissors all your life.  And, then you used that glue stick and put the mommas right next to their babies.  You did it like a pro.

Mommy should know by now that I shouldn’t set limits on your learning.  I will work harder at encouraging new things and allowing you the ability to do to them without interfering. 

Most importantly, I’m learning that you are becoming much less dependent on me.  And, it makes me a little sad and a lot proud at the same time.

Love,
Mommy

PS However, you are still supposed to be dependent on me putting you down for a nap and staying in your room.  But don’t worry.  We will still work on that together.

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I’m pretty sure this isn’t what Nintendo had in mind for their Dance, Dance Revolution game.  But, seriously, they were loving it.

Natalie was stomping her feet, and Isabelle was jumping around (in a very non-Belle like manner-see princess dress below).  BTW, have I mentioned that we are totally not fans of calling our Isabelle “Belle.”  It so doesn’t work for her or for us…just saying.

And, it was pretty sweet too, to see them holding hands like that. 

But, I also particularly like Nat’s body language in the first picture.  It sort of says “what, you wanna mess with me?” but with a smile on her face.

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Instead of the usual looking back through the year, and trying to remember what all happened, I thought I would take you back to the beginning of 2009 and the end.

The first pictures of Isabelle and Natalie of 2009.  They were both sooo excited!  These were actually taken January 1, 2009.

 

The last day of 2009.  Isabelle still won’t part with Ariel.  She is convinced she is a princess and princesses only wear dresses and tights.  Yikes!  And, Natalie is a drool monster.  With one of the best smiles ever! 

Of course, I took absolutely no pictures today.  There is still time left.  Guess I must run upstairs and get pictures of the girls sleeping.

May 2010 be a blessing to you and your families.

PS.  My sister is giving away an awesome wine bottle light decoration.  Check it out.

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Because their smiles make my heart smile. 

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I just can’t decide which kid to “feature” so you get both.
Isabelle lounging on the couch.  Where does she even learn to do this?

I don’t think anybody can argue…they are pretty silly girls.

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PS.  That little girl that is so not impressed with Santa started doing something very impressive this weekend.  The video is coming soon.

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I just needed to see their cute faces today.  Do you ever have that?  (Not necessarily, my kids, but yours, I mean).

And, because I’m such a giver, I thought you all could use some cute (I know, biased) faces, too.

I love them.

The end.

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This weekend was absolutely gorgeous.  The sun was shinning, it was in the mid-70s and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky.

I deemed this “The weekend I would get my Christmas card picture!”

And, then, God laughed at me when He heard me making plans.  Because He doesn’t like to be told plans.  And, when you do tell Him your plans.  He laughs.  Loud!

I put the girls in some cute new matching outfits and we headed to the square for some great backdrops.

Apparently, it is too much to ask for the girls to sit next to each other, look at me and both smile simultaneously!  Evidence presented below in photographic form.

Of course, they were both being super cute and making silly and adorable faces, but why, oh why couldn’t they do it at the same time? 

So, when all else failed and they didn’t want to cooperate with me and my camera, we started walking around the square.

Then, a police car whizzed by with sirens blaring.  He stopped right in the middle of the intersection to direct traffic.  Next thing we knew, there were like 25 really cool old cars driving in a line up to a theater.  So, I took pictures of some really cool old cars. They had special guests for a special showing of Gone With the Wind.  At least the cars couldn’t talk back!

I just realized how there is way too much color in the pictures with the girls.  Maybe that is why they wouldn’t cooperate.  They just knew I wouldn’t be able to use such saturated pictures!

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