I’m stuck. Like an ass. In the middle.
Mr. Serious gets a daily email news letter from Dan Miller. They provide inspiration. They are meant to help you realize that you shouldn’t settle. That you should be happy in everything.
The quote from yesterday he immediately passed on to me. And, it’s too darn good not to share.
Because, you see, I’m stuck right now. I’m the ass in the middle that can’t move. I can’t make a serious decision that has the potential to change my life. Our lives in a good way.
Here’s the story from No More Dreaded Mondays by Dan Miller:
You may know the medieval logic dilemma of the donkey that is placed equidistant from two piles of food of equal size and quality—a perfectly symmetrical situation. If the behavior of the donkey were completely rational, it would have no reason to prefer one pile to the other; therefore, it could not decide which pile to eat first. So it would remain in its original position and starve to death. This dilemma is called “Buridan’s ass.”
I find many people immobilized by the challenge of choosing—even if both choices are attractive. Two great schools, two great jobs, two great business ideas. In my graduate psychology brainstorming groups, we would create what-if scenarios. What if the donkey, aware that he is starving, flips a coin to make a choice? which pile of food is heads and which is tails? Ah yes, another decision.
If you are looking at two opportunities, how do you ultimately make the decision? If you are considering moving to Denver or Miami, how do you make that call? If you have been accepted by Harvard and the Peace Corps, which will help you choose?
The trick is there aren’t two choices here, there are three: If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. It’s just as obvious a choice as either of the new options. So you may as well make it interesting by changing the scenery.
Remember this sequence for making a choice: (1) Clearly state the issue. (2) Get the advice and opinions of others. (3) List your options. (4) Choose the best option. (5) Act. And I recommend no more than two weeks for this process – no matter how big the decision.
Don’t be a donkey; you just might starve as a result of your indecision. And indecision in one area will cripple your effectiveness in all other areas.
I don’t want to be stuck. I want to make a decision, but I just can’t. It’s been on my mind, our minds for several weeks, maybe even months. Yet, here I sit, unable to budge. Unable to walk to one side or the other.
So, I’ve got the sequence down…
1) Can state the issue (not ready to put it out there, yet for the interwebs.)
2) I’ve asked some people…but no clear answers for me.
3) I’ve listed my options.
4) I can’t chose the best option.
5) Act? Nope, can’t get there yet!
I’m just missing something. If only one of those food piles looked just a little more enticing. I guess what I’m saying is, I sure which somebody would decide for me…so, if it doesn’t work out, I can blame them!
How do you make huge decisions? What am I missing? Give me your hints. Guide me!
I completely understand! With our first baby coming this fall, we’ve got some big decisions to make, too. Let me know if you find someone to make the right one- I could use her help! 🙂
And for the record- I really believe that things always work out for the best. Your case will be no different. Best of luck to you!
Thanks, girl.
I had to make my decision all by myself. I’m nervous and excited. I’ll be sharing later this week!
I try to live by the motto, “whatever is meant to be, will be”. I guess that’s no help here, because in the end, you wont know what is meant to be until you are living it then. I say go with your gut. There has to be something, one of the choices, that is a little more enticing than the other, maybe you are just a little too scared to see that it is?! Can’t wait to hear the news once you are ready to share, whether you stay put or move on.
I did it…I made a decision. I think you won’t be surprised by it at all.
You know, as much as we *want* to plan, make decisions, it’s just not up to us. You will be led in the right direction, patience and trust. (Though those are sometimes hard… so, so hard!)
Best of luck, Krystyn~
I think…I hope and pray that I used that guidance and made the right decision.
Quite honestly I went through the same thing last October. I had my two food piles & I chose the no decision. So I guess I chose the food pile that kept me on the same path I am now?? Or well anyway. It is a future job decision. I [like you] am keeping it close to my chest as I don’t want to say what the two choices are. But ultimately, I finally decided to go for the one on the – lets say LEFT. Crazy choice but – it still has to be approved and yada yada. But the relief I felt after I actually made a choice? In the fear of coming up to the choice and NOT making the choice, you put yourself through hell. Seriously. You make your mind dance, question itself, worry itself to death. Make your list, give yourself the drop dead choice date. And move forward.
We all do it, and sometimes just making the decision to make the choice is that hardest part. Commit to yourself, you’ll feel much better.
Decision made…tough, but getting to the “peace” part and moving on to excited. I’ll share shortly.
I am right there with YOU. I have huge decisions to make right now…to stay or to go or something even bigger than just those two things…..but I am on the fence of it all because no matter what I choose it will forever alter my whole world.
I was in the same boat..I’ve made my decision now. I hope you can to (and maybe we’ll get to meet if you make one of them!)
Krystyn……if its the right thing for you….and if you are already feeling stuck, then make that decision now. Life is all about chances. And you will never regret the things you did, only the ones you didn’t. I think you are a smart and intelligent woman, and I know that whatever you do or decide to do, you will make the most of it. Just listen to your heart, focus on your goal, strategize and implement and be prepared for roadblocks. There is no easy road to success, we all have to fight for it. But as long as you are consistent in your journey to be happy, you will never miss.
Thank you, Blessing! I’ve made my decision and I’m taking great chances and risks, but I hope I’ll be much happier.
Good luck making your decision! I think you are right, if you honestly cannot decide, maybe it’s because there is something you don’t know yet or you just aren’t ready to decide. You will figure it out!
Good luck! May I recommend an extended period of prayer and meditation too. You know I will watch the kiddos
As I am in my 50s and I am now looking back (alot) at my life. Two heart attacks. Losing one of my sons. I know I have made some huge mistakes. One of the things I wish I had done, is worked on putting myself first more often. And made some decisions that would had made me, MYSELF, happy and fulfilled some of my dreams. As women, we tend to be the nurturers, and make sure our families get the best of us, we give the best of us to our loved ones, and put ourselves last. And yes, thats a great feeling, and we feel thats our jobs as wives, daughters, and mothers, and of course friends. But, we HAVE TO DO THE SAME FOR OURSELVES. So in short. This decision you have to make. Do what will be in making yourself happy and fulfilled. Because then when you are in your 50s, and looking back. You will be saying, Look what I did for me. Instead of seeing a missed opportunity for something you should have done for you.
I’m hoping that my decision makes me feel like I’m doing something for me and my family.
But, I have to admit, reading this made me sad for you…I hope you are, even in your 50s, making decisions for yourself now and you are happy and not missing opportunities!
Ugh. I’ve been there and I hate that feeling. I’m not sure what you’re deciding between but I think it can be hard because, even if they seem the same, since we can’t see into the future it’s hard to really know which one is better. Good luck. Usually, once I’ve made a decision, I feel better just having the burden of having to decide lifted off my shoulders.
Decision made….waiting for the lifted burden feeling.
i want to say cheesy stuff like follow your heart…but i know you just want “and door number one is correct” – wish i could give you that friend!
just remember there are no wrong choices – just new opportunities!
I would wait, the answer will come to you in the middle of the night
Unfortunately, waiting wasn’t an option…there was a deadline. Of today!
Ok, so I’ve got no idea what you are considering, but here is what I do.
If it a few clear cut options, I “choose” each option. And then live with the concept like its a done deal. I consider the ramifications, the reality that “option” creates.
I also pray – A LOT! And talk with the hubs. Sometimes hearing the options out loud and his feedback make things much clearer.
Good luck!
I wish I could do that “living the choice” thing. But, now I am going to live it and hope to be happier than ever and love it!
I’m absolutely HORRIBLE about making decisions. I just keep waiting and putting things off until things somehow fall in place.
Unfortunately, I had a deadline of today, but I’ve made my decision.
Any time my husband and I are making a big decision we always pray about it together, and then we do whatever we feel good about. If we feel confused or not sure, we just don’t do it. If we feel good, we do it, and in eight years, we still have no regrets!
There was definitely a lot of prayerful consideration!