The one question to ask your child right now
I am a Stonyfield yogetter and this conversation is sponsored by them. All thoughts are completely my own.
Four years ago, Mr. Serious and I read and completed the 5 Love Languages. I even posted about how much we enjoyed it and some “get-to-know-you” questions that even after 15-20 years, you might not know. I highly recommend that book. It really is eye-opening.
But, the kids, right? That’s what you are here for?
Well, there is a kid version of the 5 Love Languages, too. And, I haven’t read it, but it’s only my list. But, if it’s anything like the adult version, it will be amazing.
Because it will open up your eyes to how you need to be shown that you are loved. Just like we all learn in different ways, we all feel love shown in different ways.
Right, the question…what to ask them…
“How can I help you feel loved?”
I was a little worried the girls might have a hard time with that, so I varied it a little and asked…
“How can I show you I love you?” and “What makes you feel loved?”
So, I asked them and what they said surprised, me a little and was also fully what I expected.
They didn’t mention anything about cooking them their favorite meals, or letting them buy school lunches (this is seriously a treat to them..I don’t get it).
Instead, the first thing they all said is “when you hug me” or “you hugging me.” All three of them (I didn’t ask the almost 2 year old). The way I can help them feel loved is hugging them. I do it a lot. And often. And even when they are mad or angry, but I can still do it more, because one day, I fear that won’t be enough.
Other responses include:
- going somewhere together
- going on vacation to see family
- getting us stuff (this one, I’m not impressed with and honestly, wanted to leave it off, but apparently, that’s how they feel)
- sitting down and talking with me
- taking me places
- giving me kisses
- laying down with me and rubbing my head
- watching me play
- doing stuff together
- taking me to school
Save the one about the “stuff” and the “getting”, these are all things that we can all do. I can do them more often and I can help them feel loved and more loved. Because being a kid these days is hard. There are distractions and trouble and I want them to know that mom and home are always a safe a loving place no matter what.
Ask your kids? Did their responses surprise you?
Joe and I both loved that book too. I think it’s great they came out with a kids version of it. I definitely want to put that on my “to read” list. Sounds like the 3 oldest are very similar in their “show love/receive love” ways.
This makes me want to read the book again.
This is fantastic. What a great idea. Thank you for sharing!
(and I’m sure every kid is gonna mention something about “getting” something. They’re kids, after all.) 😉
Brynn says she loves it when I give her a kiss and when I give her a rainbow pop. Aaand Kay is mad at me right now, lol. But that is a sweet idea, I will have to ask her later.
Really cute wonderful idea, what a way to have a sincere conversation with your children.
I love this series of books by Gary Chapman. I never realized how my kids or husband wanted love until we read these books. Such an eye opener. Great question to ask your kids for sure!
There was a “love” category for getting gifts as a way to feel loved. So, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. One of my takeaways from the book is that if you don’t know your partners love languages (bc it’s always more than one) you could miscommunicate for decades!
So, I have a thought about the “giving us stuff” response. I don’t think it’s so much about the actual stuff as it is about knowing you were thought about while you were gone or not there. At least that’s how I feel about it. The other thing is that someone cared enough about you to get you something you need or would like. That’s how I feel when I get stuff. I really do feel loved because I feel remembered. Does that make sense? It isn’t my favorite way to receive love by any means, but I do appreciate it.
This is a very good point. I hadn’t thought about it that way at all. You are very right!