I can’t even believe it’s already been two years. And yet I can’t believe it’s only been two years. It was a lifetime ago and yet just yesterday all at the same time.
I know I will never forget. He will always be a part of us. A part of me. But everyday brings more healing.
A year ago, I wasn’t sure how to remember. What I needed to keep him with me. I ended up getting a wind chime for the front porch. Every so often the wind will gently blow and send it singing. Sometimes I don’t notice right away and other times, I’ll hear it as it starts up. Just a little hello mom. I’m doing okay. And I know it’s true. I also had a necklace made as a reminder. We’ve been blessed to add another charm to it for sweet E.
Two years later, life is different. I definitely didn’t imagine two years ago when I was in that little hell that we’d be here today. That’d I’d be nursing my sweet girl and she’d stop and look up at me with the biggest smile and just stare into my eyes. Something she’s never done before as if she knew it was just what I needed. (I tried to capture the moment minutes later, but I think the real moment was just for her and me. Only burned into my memory.)
I didn’t know how blessed we could feel again. I’m thankful for being able to acknowledge that blessed feeling. For this little girl. For her sisters and their daddy.
As if the nursing smile and the extra sweet cuddles at nap time today weren’t enough, she crawled for the first time today, too.
Each moment. Each new milestone. Each smile and each scream bring a little healing and a little reminder, too.
Two short years. Two long years. I’m very thankful for both.