As parents and humans we tell ourselves a lot of lies daily. I’m still not sure why. Are we gullible to ourselves? Do we believe ourselves? I think not. And yet, we continue to lie over and over and over again.
The lie that prompted all of this nonsense? That I have enough toilet paper in my house.
The truth? I never have enough. It is always on my shopping list. Always. So, I thought it would be fun to come up with a list of other lies I tell myself as well as the lies of my friends. Apparently? Liars love company! I partnered with SheSpeaks/Walmart to put together this list.
34 Lies I Tell Myself
1. I’m all caught up on laundry..
Bwhahahahah. I know you can hear the laughter now. And, I’m sure you are all caught up on yours, too.
2. I’ll do it when I’m ready.
Ready. That’s funny. Like I’m ever really ready for anything!
3. I can go another day without buying contact solution.
My eyes. They disagree. Never push contact solution to one more day. And, let’s be real, the same goes for deodorant, too.
4. No more toys will enter this house.
Again. The laughter. So many toys. So. Very. Many.
5. I will only buy what’s on my list at the store.
Now, I’m pretty good about not being impulsive, but I have a candy habit and it’s bad!
6. I don’t forget things.
Right. Never. I’m an elephant. (Just not the elephant in Zootopia.)
7. I’m just going to put this right here in this special place so I remember where it is.
Ask me how long it took me to find my non-nursing bras. Go ahead….ask….
8. My kids will never…
I don’t even need to fill that in, because the list goes on. But, let’s just say, my kids will never draw on my furniture because I always put writing utensils away and so do my older children. Right…
9. I will remember birthdays, anniversaries and holidays.
Thank goodness for google calendar and the ability to set multiple reminders.
10. I will not pull my kids from school for trips.
There is so much to learn on so many adventures. I don’t know why I told myself this one to be honest. They are much better story tellers and writers after traveling.
11. I will catch up on sleep tomorrow.
Oh, it’s midnight already? No worries. I’ll sleep when I’m dead.
12. Breakfast for dinner is a quick and easy dinner.
I mus be doing it wrong, because the idea seems so easy, but 18 pans and 45 dishes later, I’m spent. Next time, let’s just have spaghetti with meat sauce, okay?
13. Sour cream and greek yogurt are the same thing.
They. Are. Not. Close, but not.
14. Running / Bootcamp will get easier after a year.
Why? Why does it never, ever get easier?
15. I’ll just run to the store after the kids go to bed.
Or, I’ll just sit her on the couch or at my desk and not move for the next three hours. That sounds like a better plan.
16. Just 5 more minutes.
18 hours later…
17. A pool trip is the same as a bath.
Chlorine is good for your skin and hair, right?
18. The kids are staying up late tonight, so they will sleep in tomorrow.
This. Has. Never. Happened.
Why haven’t I learned in almost 10 years at this gig?
19. Taking four kids to an amusement park by myself will be a piece of cake.
Although, it could have been worse, but I was ex.haus.ted.
20. I don’t go to bed angry. -Pat
Let’s be real. I’m tired. Sometimes, it’s just easier.
21. I don’t care. -Emily
This. Every. Single. Day. I need to put a star or an asterisk by this one.
22. I’m not fat because of how I eat, it’s because i don’t have time to work out (everything is more important than working out- spending time with kids, sleep, cleaning, work, etc…) -Caroline
Yes. All of the things. Add in a full-time job and I don’t even remember how I did it all.
23. Yes, we DO floss regularly.-Barbara
This one? Nope. I don’t even tell myself this.
24. Going to the park, a walk around the block, up and down stairs, gardening etc. is pretty much working out. Surely, my activities around the house are like going to the gym. -Lorrenda
As long as it’s 10,000 steps, right?
25. Pepperoni Pizza is a balanced meal- has all 4 food groups. -Caroline
This IS true, right?
26. If I just make it through (fill in the blank) things will get better –Kuleen
I can only dream. And yet, every day!
27. I’ll do it after I put the kids to bed. –Katie
Sleep, right? You’ll sleep after the kids go to bed?
28. I played a basketball game so I can eat unhealthy all week. -Matthew
I did bootcamp all week, so I can eat a couple servings of potato chips, right?
29. I limit screen time to an hour a day… except when I’m with a customer, or someone’s sick, or the weather is bad, or I need a break, or I have extra chores, or I have to feed the animals… or… or … or -Ashleigh
I lose all abilities to tell time when it comes to this!
30. She can’t possibly get any sassier than this… -Laura
Oh, Laura. You have no idea!
31. I’m going to the gym tonight when I get the kids in bed. -Amber
This bedtime thing is a real struggle.
32. I’m just going to read one chapter before I go to sleep. Or check Fb/Instagram real quick. –Hannah
That is the fastest two hours of my day.
33. My kids will learn to do chores. –Mindy
Teach me your ways.
34. I’m going to quit picking up and cleaning up after them and just let them live in the mess they create. -Rachel
I lasted like one hour. Okay, maybe two days.
Avoiding the lies.
So, here’s the thing. I can’t help with like 99.9% of the lies. I certainly can’t help myself.
But I can help with the first one. I can Avoid The Oops of running out of toilet paper because we all know how that works and I’m pretty sure there isn’t anybody in my house that will spare a square.
How? I can Shop Bathroom at Walmart.com and order everyday essentials delivered to my front porch. And, if I order enough (because laundry detergent, razors, shampoo, conditioner, etc), it’s shipped for free to my front porch.
And, to help my kids not leave the empty roll on the holder, maybe I’ll just place this little case on the back of the toilet and keep it?
Nah. That won’t work either. Maybe that should be lie #35!
Do share. What are some lies that you tell yourself? Or maybe you’ve had an oops moment that you could have prevented with Walmart.com’s online ordering?