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It hurts

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The pain.

It still hurts.

Like it was yesterday.

Like it was forever ago.

I don’t want the pain to go away.

I want to stop hurting.

Gentle reminders.

A pack of newborn diapers.

In my face reminders.

A coworker asking how she will work with a new baby.

Things that should be.

Little kicks that should be felt.

Hiccups that should be keeping me awake.

Twilight bathroom trips that are no more.

My uterus is confused. 

Yet another reminder…after reminder…after reminder.

Still looking for a reason.

Some answer. 

Some explanation. 

Why?

We’ll never know.

Only God knows.

And it still hurts.


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Comments

    • Jen says

      Sorry, I don’t like that comment. It sounded better in my head and now that I read it, I think it sounds mean. I just wanted to say that it should hurt, you experienced a great loss and on some level, it is always going to hurt but time will lesson it.

      I am truly sorry for you loss and for that awful comment.

      Reply

  17. AMY W. says

    I can totally relate. I am a blessed mother of four, but in between the third and fourth child I had a miscarriage. Last year we lost 5 precious little souls to miscarriages. My sister lost one baby, my sister-in-law lost one baby and can no longer have any more children, and my other sister-in-law lost twins. I was the last in this line of losses. I honestly thought I was helping them and saying and doing the right things to help them before I lost my baby, but now I know there is really nothing that can be said or done. Even though God has blessed us again with another child I still think about the baby that we lost and sometimes just cry. I trust God and His plan for our lives, and even though I don’t understand His plan for this now, I am looking forward to meeting my baby and all of his cousins someday in heaven. I will be praying for you!

    Reply

  23. sierra says

    Oh Krystyn, I’m so sorry. I know the pain is real and jagged (for real, I know – we have lost several babies). Time makes it easier in some ways. Not much, but easier to go about day to day. I’m praying for you, your baby, the girls and Mr.S. Much love to you, especially.

    Reply

  24. Dee says

    Oh Krystyn, I’m so very sorry. I think about you often because I just can’t imagine what you must be going through! Lots of hugs, prayers, and love sent your way!

    Reply

  34. Bren says

    I wish i had great words to share that would make it easier for you – but all I have is that you are in my thoughts as you work the pain and loss.

    Reply

  38. Suburban H.I.T. says

    I know how much it hurts to carry a baby for 3 months or longer and to have something so devastating happen. I’d say it gets better, and it does, but sometimes, you’re reminded of what could have been and it’s OK to cry. It’s OK to feel pain and remorse. It’s OK to grieve. Again. Just remember, it’s OK to feel all of that and then some. Just like it’s OK to be happy when you’re not sad. Hugs and prayers.

    Reply

  40. Mandyland says

    I’m so very sorry. I wish I had words to say that would ease the pain and make you feel better. I’ve been there and can only tell you that one day it’ll hurt a little less. *hugs*

    Reply

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Connect with Krystyn

 Krystyn has been blogging since 2005. She is a sarcasm-loving, straight-shooting, jeans and t-shirts wearing, wife and mom of four girls (ages 13, 11, 8 and 6). She blogs about life as a mom and wife and includes funny stories, family travel, fitness, recipes, STEM and more. She currently resides in the Atlanta, Georgia suburbs.
krystyn@reallyareyouserious.com

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