The pain.
It still hurts.
Like it was yesterday.
Like it was forever ago.
I don’t want the pain to go away.
I want to stop hurting.
Gentle reminders.
A pack of newborn diapers.
In my face reminders.
A coworker asking how she will work with a new baby.
Things that should be.
Little kicks that should be felt.
Hiccups that should be keeping me awake.
Twilight bathroom trips that are no more.
My uterus is confused.
Yet another reminder…after reminder…after reminder.
Still looking for a reason.
Some answer.
Some explanation.
Why?
We’ll never know.
Only God knows.
And it still hurts.
Krystyn has been blogging since 2005. She is a sarcasm-loving, straight-shooting, jeans and t-shirts wearing, wife and mom of four girls (ages 12, 10, 7 and 5). She blogs about life as a mom and wife and includes funny stories, family travel, fitness, recipes, STEM and more. She currently resides in the Atlanta, Georgia suburbs.
Grace {formerly gracie} says
January 18, 2011 at 11:05 pmOh. I wish I knew. I’m so sorry for your heartache.
Steph says
January 18, 2011 at 11:09 pmI’m so sorry Krystyn. Endless hugs coming your way.
Anti-Supermom says
January 18, 2011 at 11:13 pmSweetie, I’m so sorry for your pain. So, so sorry~
Jessica @atl mom guide says
January 18, 2011 at 11:15 pmI know it does…
Praying for you!
Jennifer says
January 18, 2011 at 11:34 pmWords can not express the heartbreak I feel for you. Only God knows why He does the things He does. I’m so sorry. {{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}
Amber says
January 18, 2011 at 11:34 pmI’m sorry 🙁
Lorie Shewbridge says
January 18, 2011 at 11:34 pmBig Hugs!
Lindsey says
January 18, 2011 at 11:37 pmI was just thinking about this the other day, hoping things were getting easier for you, for your family. Hugs!
Nicole says
January 18, 2011 at 11:43 pmLove u Krys! Praying for strength for u
Patrice says
January 18, 2011 at 11:57 pmSending prayers and hugs your way now and always. <3
amanda says
January 19, 2011 at 12:18 ami heart you.
period.
Frugal Vicki says
January 19, 2011 at 12:21 amI am so sorry it hurts. It sucks. And it is unfair. And you deserve to be hurt and angry. I’m sorry.
Lindsay Dianne says
January 19, 2011 at 12:28 amAww, sweetie. I didnt know. So so sorry. There are no words.
Holly H says
January 19, 2011 at 4:42 amI am so sorry Krystyn, I know all too well how much it hurts. Love & Hugs to you and know you’re in my thoughts.
Mandy says
January 19, 2011 at 7:25 amI am so sorry. I wish I could say or do something to make you feel better. Hugs.
Jen says
January 19, 2011 at 8:09 amOh sweet girl, of course it still hurts and it probably always will.
Hugs to you.
Jen says
January 19, 2011 at 8:11 amSorry, I don’t like that comment. It sounded better in my head and now that I read it, I think it sounds mean. I just wanted to say that it should hurt, you experienced a great loss and on some level, it is always going to hurt but time will lesson it.
I am truly sorry for you loss and for that awful comment.
AMY W. says
January 19, 2011 at 9:03 amI can totally relate. I am a blessed mother of four, but in between the third and fourth child I had a miscarriage. Last year we lost 5 precious little souls to miscarriages. My sister lost one baby, my sister-in-law lost one baby and can no longer have any more children, and my other sister-in-law lost twins. I was the last in this line of losses. I honestly thought I was helping them and saying and doing the right things to help them before I lost my baby, but now I know there is really nothing that can be said or done. Even though God has blessed us again with another child I still think about the baby that we lost and sometimes just cry. I trust God and His plan for our lives, and even though I don’t understand His plan for this now, I am looking forward to meeting my baby and all of his cousins someday in heaven. I will be praying for you!
Mom says
January 19, 2011 at 9:25 amSweetie, I am so sorry for your hurting. I love you.
Lauren says
January 19, 2011 at 9:32 amI am so sorry!
Texas Type A Mom says
January 19, 2011 at 9:41 amI’m so sorry and I also relate. You can be having a totally “normal” day and one little thing will send all of those feelings crashing back down on top of you. ((Hugs))
Jen E @ mommablogsalot says
January 19, 2011 at 10:05 am::hugs::
Blessing says
January 19, 2011 at 10:18 amOh darling. I know how you feel. And I have seen you handle it so bravely but occassionaly the thoughts just dont go away. Sending hugs your way.
sierra says
January 19, 2011 at 11:02 amOh Krystyn, I’m so sorry. I know the pain is real and jagged (for real, I know – we have lost several babies). Time makes it easier in some ways. Not much, but easier to go about day to day. I’m praying for you, your baby, the girls and Mr.S. Much love to you, especially.
Dee says
January 19, 2011 at 11:06 amOh Krystyn, I’m so very sorry. I think about you often because I just can’t imagine what you must be going through! Lots of hugs, prayers, and love sent your way!
Theresa says
January 19, 2011 at 11:57 amI ache for you, hugs.
Kat says
January 19, 2011 at 12:09 pmI am so sorry.
*HUGS*
Heather says
January 19, 2011 at 1:27 pmSo sorry Krystyn. {{Hugs}}
blueviolet says
January 19, 2011 at 1:46 pmI wish I could say something to help, I really do. I’m so terribly, terribly sorry.
Lisa says
January 19, 2011 at 3:42 pmOh Honey….I’m so, so sorry. A million hugs.
Mom says
January 19, 2011 at 4:06 pmI also think this is beautifully written and you should try to get it published.
Shell says
January 19, 2011 at 5:36 pmSending you hugs and prayers.
Llama says
January 19, 2011 at 6:15 pmSending you *hugs* and more *hugs* xoxo
Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace says
January 19, 2011 at 7:33 pmPraying for you…
Bren says
January 19, 2011 at 8:41 pmI wish i had great words to share that would make it easier for you – but all I have is that you are in my thoughts as you work the pain and loss.
Marty says
January 19, 2011 at 9:09 pmI think about you often and pray. I will continue. Hugs! Hugs!
Jessica says
January 19, 2011 at 10:20 pmBecause there isn’t much more I can say or do… {{HUGGGGGS}}
Elaine says
January 19, 2011 at 11:41 pmI’m so sorry my friend. xoxo
Suburban H.I.T. says
January 20, 2011 at 9:29 amI know how much it hurts to carry a baby for 3 months or longer and to have something so devastating happen. I’d say it gets better, and it does, but sometimes, you’re reminded of what could have been and it’s OK to cry. It’s OK to feel pain and remorse. It’s OK to grieve. Again. Just remember, it’s OK to feel all of that and then some. Just like it’s OK to be happy when you’re not sad. Hugs and prayers.
Managed Chaos says
January 20, 2011 at 9:31 amI cannot even fathom the pain you and your family are going through. And the questions of why never seem to be answered. You’re in my thoughts and prayers. xoxo
Mandyland says
January 20, 2011 at 2:37 pmI’m so very sorry. I wish I had words to say that would ease the pain and make you feel better. I’ve been there and can only tell you that one day it’ll hurt a little less. *hugs*
Tiffany says
January 20, 2011 at 4:02 pmI’m so sorry. Thank you for talking about your feelings when you feel them. It’s so honest, so real.
Emily says
January 20, 2011 at 10:36 pmSorry. I’m sorry you are sad. I’m sorry you have to face constant reminders. I’m sorry. I love you so much!