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You are here: Home / loss / It hurts

January 18, 2011 · 44 Comments

It hurts

loss

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The pain.

It still hurts.

Like it was yesterday.

Like it was forever ago.

I don’t want the pain to go away.

I want to stop hurting.

Gentle reminders.

A pack of newborn diapers.

In my face reminders.

A coworker asking how she will work with a new baby.

Things that should be.

Little kicks that should be felt.

Hiccups that should be keeping me awake.

Twilight bathroom trips that are no more.

My uterus is confused. 

Yet another reminder…after reminder…after reminder.

Still looking for a reason.

Some answer. 

Some explanation. 

Why?

We’ll never know.

Only God knows.

And it still hurts.


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Comments

  1. Grace {formerly gracie} says

    January 18, 2011 at 11:05 pm

    Oh. I wish I knew. I’m so sorry for your heartache.

    Reply
  2. Steph says

    January 18, 2011 at 11:09 pm

    I’m so sorry Krystyn. Endless hugs coming your way.

    Reply
  3. Anti-Supermom says

    January 18, 2011 at 11:13 pm

    Sweetie, I’m so sorry for your pain. So, so sorry~

    Reply
  4. Jessica @atl mom guide says

    January 18, 2011 at 11:15 pm

    I know it does…
    Praying for you!

    Reply
  5. Jennifer says

    January 18, 2011 at 11:34 pm

    Words can not express the heartbreak I feel for you. Only God knows why He does the things He does. I’m so sorry. {{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}

    Reply
  6. Amber says

    January 18, 2011 at 11:34 pm

    I’m sorry 🙁

    Reply
  7. Lorie Shewbridge says

    January 18, 2011 at 11:34 pm

    Big Hugs!

    Reply
  8. Lindsey says

    January 18, 2011 at 11:37 pm

    I was just thinking about this the other day, hoping things were getting easier for you, for your family. Hugs!

    Reply
  9. Nicole says

    January 18, 2011 at 11:43 pm

    Love u Krys! Praying for strength for u

    Reply
  10. Patrice says

    January 18, 2011 at 11:57 pm

    Sending prayers and hugs your way now and always. <3

    Reply
  11. amanda says

    January 19, 2011 at 12:18 am

    i heart you.

    period.

    Reply
  12. Frugal Vicki says

    January 19, 2011 at 12:21 am

    I am so sorry it hurts. It sucks. And it is unfair. And you deserve to be hurt and angry. I’m sorry.

    Reply
  13. Lindsay Dianne says

    January 19, 2011 at 12:28 am

    Aww, sweetie. I didnt know. So so sorry. There are no words.

    Reply
  14. Holly H says

    January 19, 2011 at 4:42 am

    I am so sorry Krystyn, I know all too well how much it hurts. Love & Hugs to you and know you’re in my thoughts.

    Reply
  15. Mandy says

    January 19, 2011 at 7:25 am

    I am so sorry. I wish I could say or do something to make you feel better. Hugs.

    Reply
  16. Jen says

    January 19, 2011 at 8:09 am

    Oh sweet girl, of course it still hurts and it probably always will.

    Hugs to you.

    Reply
    • Jen says

      January 19, 2011 at 8:11 am

      Sorry, I don’t like that comment. It sounded better in my head and now that I read it, I think it sounds mean. I just wanted to say that it should hurt, you experienced a great loss and on some level, it is always going to hurt but time will lesson it.

      I am truly sorry for you loss and for that awful comment.

      Reply
  17. AMY W. says

    January 19, 2011 at 9:03 am

    I can totally relate. I am a blessed mother of four, but in between the third and fourth child I had a miscarriage. Last year we lost 5 precious little souls to miscarriages. My sister lost one baby, my sister-in-law lost one baby and can no longer have any more children, and my other sister-in-law lost twins. I was the last in this line of losses. I honestly thought I was helping them and saying and doing the right things to help them before I lost my baby, but now I know there is really nothing that can be said or done. Even though God has blessed us again with another child I still think about the baby that we lost and sometimes just cry. I trust God and His plan for our lives, and even though I don’t understand His plan for this now, I am looking forward to meeting my baby and all of his cousins someday in heaven. I will be praying for you!

    Reply
  18. Mom says

    January 19, 2011 at 9:25 am

    Sweetie, I am so sorry for your hurting. I love you.

    Reply
  19. Lauren says

    January 19, 2011 at 9:32 am

    I am so sorry!

    Reply
  20. Texas Type A Mom says

    January 19, 2011 at 9:41 am

    I’m so sorry and I also relate. You can be having a totally “normal” day and one little thing will send all of those feelings crashing back down on top of you. ((Hugs))

    Reply
  21. Jen E @ mommablogsalot says

    January 19, 2011 at 10:05 am

    ::hugs::

    Reply
  22. Blessing says

    January 19, 2011 at 10:18 am

    Oh darling. I know how you feel. And I have seen you handle it so bravely but occassionaly the thoughts just dont go away. Sending hugs your way.

    Reply
  23. sierra says

    January 19, 2011 at 11:02 am

    Oh Krystyn, I’m so sorry. I know the pain is real and jagged (for real, I know – we have lost several babies). Time makes it easier in some ways. Not much, but easier to go about day to day. I’m praying for you, your baby, the girls and Mr.S. Much love to you, especially.

    Reply
  24. Dee says

    January 19, 2011 at 11:06 am

    Oh Krystyn, I’m so very sorry. I think about you often because I just can’t imagine what you must be going through! Lots of hugs, prayers, and love sent your way!

    Reply
  25. Theresa says

    January 19, 2011 at 11:57 am

    I ache for you, hugs.

    Reply
  26. Kat says

    January 19, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    I am so sorry.
    *HUGS*

    Reply
  27. Heather says

    January 19, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    So sorry Krystyn. {{Hugs}}

    Reply
  28. blueviolet says

    January 19, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    I wish I could say something to help, I really do. I’m so terribly, terribly sorry.

    Reply
  29. Lisa says

    January 19, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    Oh Honey….I’m so, so sorry. A million hugs.

    Reply
  30. Mom says

    January 19, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    I also think this is beautifully written and you should try to get it published.

    Reply
  31. Shell says

    January 19, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    Sending you hugs and prayers.

    Reply
  32. Llama says

    January 19, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    Sending you *hugs* and more *hugs* xoxo

    Reply
  33. Kelly @ The Beauty of Sufficient Grace says

    January 19, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    Praying for you…

    Reply
  34. Bren says

    January 19, 2011 at 8:41 pm

    I wish i had great words to share that would make it easier for you – but all I have is that you are in my thoughts as you work the pain and loss.

    Reply
  35. Marty says

    January 19, 2011 at 9:09 pm

    I think about you often and pray. I will continue. Hugs! Hugs!

    Reply
  36. Jessica says

    January 19, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    Because there isn’t much more I can say or do… {{HUGGGGGS}}

    Reply
  37. Elaine says

    January 19, 2011 at 11:41 pm

    I’m so sorry my friend. xoxo

    Reply
  38. Suburban H.I.T. says

    January 20, 2011 at 9:29 am

    I know how much it hurts to carry a baby for 3 months or longer and to have something so devastating happen. I’d say it gets better, and it does, but sometimes, you’re reminded of what could have been and it’s OK to cry. It’s OK to feel pain and remorse. It’s OK to grieve. Again. Just remember, it’s OK to feel all of that and then some. Just like it’s OK to be happy when you’re not sad. Hugs and prayers.

    Reply
  39. Managed Chaos says

    January 20, 2011 at 9:31 am

    I cannot even fathom the pain you and your family are going through. And the questions of why never seem to be answered. You’re in my thoughts and prayers. xoxo

    Reply
  40. Mandyland says

    January 20, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    I’m so very sorry. I wish I had words to say that would ease the pain and make you feel better. I’ve been there and can only tell you that one day it’ll hurt a little less. *hugs*

    Reply
  41. Tiffany says

    January 20, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    I’m so sorry. Thank you for talking about your feelings when you feel them. It’s so honest, so real.

    Reply
  42. Emily says

    January 20, 2011 at 10:36 pm

    Sorry. I’m sorry you are sad. I’m sorry you have to face constant reminders. I’m sorry. I love you so much!

    Reply

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About Krystyn

Krystyn has been blogging since 2005. She is a sarcasm-loving, straight-shooting, jeans and t-shirts wearing, wife and mom of four girls (ages 14, 12, 8 and 6). She blogs about life as a mom and wife and includes funny stories, family travel, fitness, recipes, STEM and more. She currently resides in the Atlanta, Georgia suburbs.
krystyn@reallyareyouserious.com

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Connect with Krystyn

Krystyn has been blogging since 2005. She is a sarcasm-loving, straight-shooting, jeans and t-shirts wearing, wife and mom of four girls (ages 14, 12, 8 and 6). She blogs about life as a mom and wife and includes funny stories, family travel, fitness, recipes, STEM and more. She currently resides in the Atlanta, Georgia suburbs.
krystyn@reallyareyouserious.com

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